dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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