I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I need to calm my uterus...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
