Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
