Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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