walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
