dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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