will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
