So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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