ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
