I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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