Christians are straight up FREAKS
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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