so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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