ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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