Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize