his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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