She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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