what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
