Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
