I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
