I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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