Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
