I puked a lego.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
