He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
