This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
