I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
