he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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