i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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