I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize