so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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