I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
