the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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