you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish my penis had a tongue
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
