please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize