I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
