I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Everything about him screamed your future.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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