I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize