I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
