I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
