You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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