Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
