it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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