Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've blown a few things in my day
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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