If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
