Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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