but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They took my balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
