Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
