I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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