Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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