Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
