in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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