I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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