Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
