Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
