Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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