Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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