This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
