Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
