So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
