I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
