Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
