Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
