Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
