Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
