a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
tell me about the fingering
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
