Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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