I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
